Gratitude. Something I feel overwhelmed with today. I am so full of gratitude, for my health, my family, my life, my job, and all my fans. As of lately I have been getting spoiled. I want to take a moment to stop and appreciate that. I know most cam models, fem doms, mistresses, and goddess' wouldn't take the time to sit and thank their fans. You have to be bigger than life, the ultimate fantasy, the best brat, mean yet graceful and charming. I need to portray an image of elite living. That I am above all, and expect all. But, that just isn't me. I mean yes, there is a mental state I have grown to where I have high expectations and standards for myself. As life passes it only seems to grow more, which is great because I was very naïve and gullible most my life.
At the end of the day, no matter how wise and sophisticated I get. There will always be a sweet little hippy in me. The one who expects nothing and receives with a full heart. I believe in working hard for anything I have. I am not one to ask people for handouts. Which I am sure some of you are rolling your eyes, noting that I am a cam girl and all we do is ask for men to give us money. Well, no. I don't ask for money, people come to me and give me money. Same as a waitress who works and get's her tips. In fact I do way more than a waitress. I perform live shows, I do specific physical requests for hours and hours a day. I answer messages, offer conversation and friendship. (Us cam models like to joke that we are therapists too.) I create paintings and costumes, videos and photosets, I do it all. Sometimes I actually miss the simplicity of of being a waitress. I used to work, come home and be done. I would have family time, relax, and work on arts/crafts.
Though, I could relax more if I wasn't in so much debt. So maybe things could be different. Right now I am in hustle mode, in fact since the day I found out I was pregnant over 8 years ago, I have been in hustle mode. Non stop working hard, moving around, living in an RV, trying to find a good town to raise my son in, starting and building my modeling career. It has been non stop goal after goal. It feels exhausting, and not that I want my goals to stop because life is all about growing and changing. Boy oh boy though, I really set some high goals for myself in life.
That being said I am still working on my 4k October goal. I am working on paying the lease breaking fee on my credit that is preventing me from getting approved for rentals. The block in my life, holding me back from where I want to go, dreams and goals I want to fulfill. So, it is a life lesson, I can't do anything but defeat this hump in the road and jump right over it. I have my days where I am WORE OUT from climbing mountains. Mountains of goals that is. Knowing that just less than two year ago I bought my first house, car, 10k savings.... to go through divorce and lose it all. Starting over, I find myself at the base of a new mountain. My whole life changed drastically in such a short time before my eyes. Goals I reached, that I spent years working towards, traveling and searching for... it has been super depressing. Which has made it even harder to get out of debt because it made it so hard to pull myself together.
I am defeating it though. My own demons of guilt and regrets in my life, the financial obstacles that stand in front of me. I am defeating it all. One day at a time. I will say though, regardless of all that, I am feeling so spoiled right now. I have recently been streaming more, making custom videos more, posting and promoting more. REALLY trying hard to just attract folks my way. To support my cosplay, my art, my modeling, etc.
As a lately a lot of people have step up. I will admit, as embarrassed as I am to admit, I don't get spoiled allll the time. I do get by and make a collective of tips and donations... but I have gotten a LOT of Amazon wish list gifts lately. I mean a LOT. I used to trade custom content for amazon gifts but lately I cut that out. I kept gifts and work separate. I told everyone gifts are gifts and don't ask me to do something, for a GIFT. For custom content, you have to pay my rate. (Though, once the gift arrives in the mail officially I do send out content goodies regardless as a thank you. Not until it gets here though, I have jumped the gun before and send out videos, done skypes, etc. for people to just cancel the order as soon as they got what they wanted.)
I am still astonished by the recent support! I have gotten some response to my past blogs, and my 4K October entry with my goals, and asking for non nude commissions. I got a photoset request and a custom painting request! I have also gotten some random extra "just because" tips to put towards my goal. So far I have received...
-A new 4 inch memory foam topper for my bed
-A new memory foam pillow
-3Dios Ear ASMR Microphone
-new Iphone 12 max pro
-fake cow skin rug
-50 inch TV
-Indian hand crafted coffee table
-Long smoking pipe
-white sexy short dress
-Blue/green workout outfit
-Sexy Cow girl Lingerie
-Mystique body paint and lace front wig
-Two shiny metallic short dresses
-orangey Red heels
-fake tattoo practice skins
-HP mini Stream laptop
(and more things I am told that are on the way, and I am awaiting to see.)
All these spoils! And some of these things are hundreds of dollars, and even over 1300 for the phone alone. I am feeling so shocked, a part of me is nervous. Thinking, wow this is such a high.. I know life has balance so I am nervous it will stop soon and a new low will start. I feel like it can't stop now, as I have been in a low for a longggg time. Even if it all stopped though I am MORE than grateful for what I have now. All the new recent tools to help me with my online brand and growing it further. ESPECIALLY the phone (my has been smashed for 6 months) and the ear mic. Now I can make better onlyfans content...and now I can grow my Twitch stream! A dream I have had for so long to grow one of my online shows big. The past five years I spent pouring my energy into everything Kitty Quinn, instead of having more kids, instead of going to college. This is what I put my bet on. I know I expect to of reached certain levels by now but I have come much further than I thought I would when I think about it.
So I want to say thank you to everyone for the investments you have made, in helping me grow further, better, and stronger. I am so beyond grateful. My wish list is on my website KittyQuinn.com and now is reduced to the last few main things I hope to get. Aside from that I honestly would LOVE cash donations and commissions to go towards my 4k goal. That is my sole focus right now, as I want to move to a house with a cam room. I want to settle for good to open a tattoo studio. I want to do a lot of things, I know it is up to me to make that happen. I will constantly strive til I surpass all the goals I have. I won't stop. So here is an extra thanks from the bottom of my heart, to you all. Thank you, thank you. Love, Kitty
Thanks for reading ! If want to help me with my Twitch goals go ahead and sub to my channel at www.twitch.tv/misskittyquinn .
My amazon wishlist is at www.KittyQuinn.com