At least that is what my mom calls this fella, because I was seeing him for a few months earlier this year and I told my mom all about him. He doesn't look like Richard Gere at all, and he is actually not a client of mine. But he is a VERY sexy older man I met earlier this year before I got back into bookings.
So we first matched on Bumble in December. When I left my ex and flew to my parent's house in Fort Lauderdale for the whole month to escape, I downloaded some dating apps. My last ex hadn't touched me in months, he would violently corner and yell at me. So when I was finally free of him I was ready for a man's love making right away. I was only a few swipes in before I found him. I was immediately excited. He has to be one of the sexiest older men I have ever met. His pictures showed him tall, tan, and slender with grey and silver mixed hair. Such a handsome clean shaven face. Pictures of him riding a horse, and petting a donkey, then a dog. He was the CEO of a company , a farmer, and a divorced daddy of handful of kids. JUST my type.
We passed a few messages back and forth. Then I deleted all my dating apps. It was to soon and I had healing to do. A month later when I was back home in Asheville I downloaded Bumble again. To my surprise the app showed his profile to me, I thought he looked familiar but I didn't remember that we matched before. He told me we did and that I told him I was in Florida working on divorcing a young asshole I married in Vegas. I was horrified when he told me that, how embarrassing that was my opening line to him. I couldn't get over the fact I sound damaged.
Anyhoo, we wanted to meet.... I was more than excited because he was the epidemy of my dreams. At least the image of what he seemed like was. So I know I mentioned before I never have clients over my personal home, which I don't...but this was a personal hookup before I got back into companionship. I also was weary of personal hookups at home too, but I decided to take a chance. I did ask he send me a video saying my name and hello, and he did. He was in a button up shirt tucked into some jeans with a belt, total corporate daddy. I kept squeezing and smiling at my phone watching the short video over and over. He was real.
So it was February 14, 2022 when he knocked on my door. Valentines Day. As soon as I opened the door I said hello and welcomed him in, I was speechless. This man was SO TALL! I mean like, Gods of Egypt tall. I literally couldn't speak for a moment and had to gather myself. He brought a few different bottles of alcohol and some food from a restaurant. So sweet bringing me drinks and dinner. I was loving how he towered over me, I loved how he fit in his jeans, and I loved his cowboy like boots he had on.
My son was sleeping in the room the whole time. Which made me nervous that my kid would wake up to me having a date in the living room. This is when I lived in a two bedroom apartment in West Asheville. It was really nice with concrete floors and a really tall cathedral roof. So I had put my son down to bed before my date arrived and I knew he would probably knock out hard for the night, because I made sure to take him to the park that day and get him tired. Either way, it was my first date with this guy so I didn't expect much but a few drinks and some chatting, and hopefully kissing.
I felt REALLY guilty about having a date in my own home while my kid was there. But being a single mom with absolutely no family around to help, and my son only went to his dad's in Georgia once or twice a month (if I was lucky.) So I was tortured by being stuck alone with my kid ALL the time and not having any adult time. Regardless, this was my dream guy like I said so I honestly didn't mind if he met my son, otherwise I would of not brought him there and resisted my urges.
We sat and talked for hours, slamming drinks, telling our stories. We talked about both our divorces, our dirty little secrets, all of it. At a point, we had our first kiss. I remember sitting on his lap feeling like a petite fairy on this tall, slender, fit man. I put my hands on his chest and ran them down to his stomach, which felt hard with muscles. When we kissed his five o‘ clock shadow scrubbed my lips, and his soft warm tongue very boldly rubbed mine. I was starting to feel him get hard in his jeans, I was so fucking excited to have this one of a kind man in my lair.
We realized it was 2 in the morning, and he had to get up at 4 or 5 to fly to Atlanta to make a speech to hundreds of people! I freaked out when he told me this, and felt so bad I was going to make him feel miserable the next day. So I demanded he get in my bed right at that moment. I know we didn't discuss a sleepover but we drank a lot and there was no way I would let him drive. So we both stripped our clothes off and tucked ourselves into bed. It was so dark and I couldn‘t see him at all but I could feel him. I kissed his lips and touched his body. I felt his big broad chest, and his abs that he had. Which I was totally drooling over, its not every day you meet a guy in his 40s with abs. They weren't super crazy ripped but I could feel them there. Then I reached down and grabbed his dick, I was so shocked to discover his size. It was suchhh a great one! He felt extra thick in my hands, and I was so turned on I started softly kissing all over his belly and slowly stroking his cock up and down. I swear within ten seconds of me stroking he came! I heard his moans and felt his cum dripping down onto my hand. He was trying to talk normal and made fun of himself for cumming fast, bringing up the fact we joked about it earlier. I told him how most people cum within minutes for me.
I wasn't even disappointed we didn't have sex. I knew I was way to drunk and didn't want our first time to be that way, and I was just so charmed I could make him cum THAT fast. It was a physical confirmation he really liked me. I got a towel to clean the mess up and laid down in his arms along his big tall body. We laid there drunk and silent, breathing for a few minutes after making him cum.
Suddenly, my son ran into the room and hopped right into bed. My friend ducked under the blankets, which I thought was a hilarious response, and I grabbed my kid up right away and carried him to his room. He is so used to sleeping with me that he must of woke in his sleep scared and came running to me right away. I laid him down and told him sorry that my friend and I had drinks and I didn't want him to drive home in the dark. That mommy wanted her friend to be safe so I let him sleep over, my son told me it was okay, and that he was "like a daddy." It broke my heart when he said that, because I know he felt lonely just him and I. When I kicked my last ex out in December, he stole my brown lab puppy, so my son and I were extra alone during that time. I know he missed having the full family home. So did I.
I went back to the room and apologized to my date. He didn't care because he is a dad himself, but I still felt so embarrassed. I started to overthink that he would never see me again because of it. The night passed and his alarm woke us up. He went to his truck to get the stuff for his trip and came back to shower and change. We said our goodbyes and he gave me one last smooch before he left.
I had the WORST hangover I have had in yearrrrsss that day. All while being on school drop off and pick up duty, which that alone was hard. I laid in bed sleeping and puking the whole day, but even though I was sick, I was smitten. Time passed and he eventually contacted me a week later. Our conversations were very broken up and scattered over text. He would sometimes take a day or two to answer. I was confused if I was being disrespected or not, but I knew he was a dad, a CEO, and a farmer. I knew he was a busy man and if I wanted to be in his life I would have to be patient. He was so hot, I forced myself to deal with it.
We planned our next date, which he wanted to pick me up and bring me home. I was so flattered, the fact he trusted me back to bring me to his home, the fact he wanted to "pick me up." I felt like I was in the movies, I can't remember the last time a guy ever picked me up for a date, usually I just meet people. He apologized that his ride was not his own, because his truck got stuck on his farm so he had to drive a company car. As if I cared.
He picked me up and brought me up a mountain. On top of it was a farm and his house. It was one of the most beautiful views I had ever seen in Asheville, one of the WIDEST mountain horizon views. I was excited to see all the animals, to feel the cold air up there, and the beautiful clear sky. We planned for our date that he would take me horse back riding. When he first told me he had horses I immediately requested we ride them. I mean what girl doesn't want a personal romantic horseback ride with a farmer, haha.
He kept looking at me and asking if I still wanted to go, he reminded me how cold it was out, which I didn't care but I could tell he probably wasn't in the mood for riding. Or he was genuinely concerned I was wearing a dress trying to ride a horse in the freezing cold on a mountain top. I wanted to look like a goddess on the horse, so I purposely wore a dress to ride it lol! I told him we could ride another time, though he offered to take me to the barn anyways. When we got there he showed me a little baby lamb he had. I was SO excited to be in a barn, because my uncle had one growing up. So I used to play on his farm, feed the animals and ride horses. So the experience reminded me of my childhood and felt like home.
We went back to his house and he asked if I minded that his friends were coming over with wine. I was a little upset because he did not tell me that at all for the time leading up to the date. I was dying to get him inside of me already, I thought ..fuck now I have to talk to strangers for hours?! What could I do though but smile and say yes. We sat in his living room as the sun went down, talking and flirting. I started kissing him because well, I just couldn't take another moment of waiting. I could feel his big hard cock through his jeans, I rubbed on his package to make it even more hard. Then he used his farmer strength to get up, throw me on the couch, and he got down on two knees in front of me. He was so tall, even on his knees, I got so excited to see him so easily move my body around. He spread my legs wide open and dove in for a sweet pussy kiss. It felt so good, and I could feel his stubble on my pussy lips this time just like I felt it on my face when we kissed the first time. I begged for him to fuck me, he warned me his friends were coming but I begged for some before they got there. So I laid back and spread wide open, he shoved his dick inside me and I inhaled with pleasure. He slowly moved his cock in and out of my pussy, he looked into my eyes, then he kept looking over his should with paranoia. All the windows by his front door were wide open with no blinds or curtains so we were really pushing the limit. I saw the anguish in his face and I giggled asking if he was about to cum, and he stopped saying no that he just knew his friends were coming. So I set him free and we got our clothes back on. Literally within minutes I see his friends at the door. WHAT A CLOSE CALL.
They walked in and surprisingly greeted me really nicely. I was soooo nervous, even though I am almost 30 I was worried about meeting the medical field co-workers of a divorced middle aged man. I thought they would look at me once and think I am a young little stupid slut. But I was wrong, there was a man and woman couple they were newly casually dating. Then there was one solo man. Three friends total, they brought bottles of wine, everyone started pouring. I kept saying no all night and told everyone I was traumatized from the hangover I previously had with him on Valentine's Day. They all didn't care, but my date certainly did. He was feeling helpless because I kept denying alcohol, he admitted he doesn't know what to do on a date with a woman who isn't drinking. I was like oh boy, I assumed his ex wife was a big drinker. I wanted to show him that I could be a sober one, that truly liked him for him, nothing effecting me. We both had weed vapes too, which I thought was so cool of him, (love me an old man that smokes weed) and we encouraged all his friends to hit our vapes and they did. That is when I relaxed a little too, to see his friends accepting of my gifts.
They all wanted to ride side by sides, so we all started to gear up because it was a cold as shit winter night. My friend brought me a giant jacket of his, gloves, and a hat. I already had my own stuff but he kept worrying I was going to be cold, so out of wanting him to shut up about it I put all his stuff on. I felt like a child in her dads clothes because his stuff was so big. He looked over at me and smiled wide, he got excited to see me bundled in his stuff. My shoe was untied, and he got down on the floor and tied it for me. That was one of those precious moments that made me fall for him a little more. He looked up at me and smiled while he tied it, I felt like I was his woman and he was on his knee proposing. Maybe that is why I go crazy when tall men kneels before me lol, I just feel like such a little queen.
We went riding, and I will say I was not expecting the ride of my life. His three friends piled in one, and him and I alone in another. He pushed on the gas and darted through the woods. I had to hold on so tight, he was going SO fast. It was nearly pitch black in the forest, with just the moon glowing over us, and the air was freezing cold hitting my face. I literally put my life in this man's hands that night as he sped through the dark forest full speed on small little mountainy trails.
We stopped at a spot because we lost his friends. There was a little creek ahead of us and hills all around us like big walls. The moon was so bright and I was in awe. I leaned over and asked him for a special kiss.
Then we headed out to find his friends on the trails and we did, we decided to go visit his cows and donkeys. We couldn't find the cows but we did the donkeys. We all got out to go pet them and say hi up close. I LOVE animals so I couldn't believe we could actually go up to them. They were so sweet, and I remember the lady friend was super drunk falling over and laughing. I was relieved that I wasn't the spectacle that night, as I was so worried on making a good impression to his professional friends and they were enjoying themselves not sitting there judging me at all.
We all eventually headed back to the house, his friends sat on the couch and he lit the fireplace in the living room. He stood by it, and put his arm around me. He stood before all his friends, telling stories, making jokes, and making way to many cheap shots about his friend's "Squid Dick" who was sitting there on a date with a woman that night! I felt so bad, and kind of embarrassed to be the one dating the guy who was the cocky asshole in the room cracking on his friend way to hard. But his friend was a little pussy, that just laughed along and didn't speak up for himself. So then I mentally switched into bitch mode, and his friend became a cuck in my mind and I was the queen with my king who was drunk and humiliating his own guests. Very midevil, LOL
His friends eventually left and we had the place alone. He went to the kitchen for a while, to pick up the mess and put on music. I was around the corner in the living room with the fireplace. I decided to get butt naked and lay on the floor next to the fire. When he came around the corner his jaw dropped and a huge smile came over his face. He went and grabbed pillows and blankets to make a little pellet on the floor for me. Then he took his clothes off and joined me by the fire.
We then continued to have one of my favorite sex sessions ever. We kissed and served each other's bodies with our tongues. I remember getting on top of him for a while, riding him, smiling at him, looking at his beautiful blue eyes, watching the light of the fire dance on his skin. His dick felt so good and so big inside of me. We did all the positions, missionary, doggy, all of it. I was shocked how long he lasted before he finally came. Once he did he laid down next to me, grabbed me and shoved my body into his. Wrapping me up in his long legs and arms, he immediately fell asleep.
I knocked out pretty fast too, but I remember waking up a bunch of times in the night with my back hurting so bad from sleeping on the floor, and my mouth dry as ever from being right next to the fire all night. I eventually got up and told him I was going to his room. So I did, and he had a tall nice ass bed. I was wondering what the hell I slept on the floor for. But it was unplanned, just drunk fire place love making and then falling asleep on the floor together. It was one of the movie moments I dreamed of my whole life, with a man I didn't know existed outside of my fantasies.
We slept for a few hours before he woke up and snuck out of the room. I was awake when he did but didn't move or make a sound. A few minutes later I hear the vacuum cleaner. I smiled in the bed because it was so hot to me that he was a clean freak and got up early to pick up the place from the night before. I got up and took a hot shower in his bathroom, and then I went and sat in this small additional room that was attached to his. In it, the walls were nearly made of windows. So I got to see the most beautiful mountain sunrise view. I sat in the cushioned chair that was in there, put my feet up and went ahhh.
This was the life, my dream guy, dream home, on a dream farm. It was unreal this guy had it all, I never before in my life wanted a stranger to get me pregnant until I met him. I know I was right out of ten years of being a wife but I was ready to be one again.
I eventually saw him come into the room to shower. It was funny because I felt like a whole hour or two had passed. I thought wow is this what rich wives do? Sit in their giant houses across from their husbands and barely see them. I felt like a queen, but I still was anxious because I wished we were in bed kissing and enjoying waking up in each other's arms. But he was a busy man on go, go, go.
We walked outside and his truck was back, his farm assistant got it for him and rinsed it off. At least that is what he said because I still saw it covered in mud. I was amazed though, that this man had my dream vehicle. A big black truck! I thought, how could this guy get any dreamier. He seemed to have such a similar taste to me. He drove me home, which I was sad to separate because we spent most of the night with his friends. So I was bummed out I didn't get more one-on-one time with him like I wanted. Either way it was still a fun adventure.
Our next date after that was at my apartment again. Another sneaky mommy night. This time I lit candles, dressed in a little sexy maid costume, and put on music in the back. When I answered the door I welcomed him in. I could see he was stunned, smiling and trying to gather his thoughts. I had just ordered delivery sushi for us so we both took our tops off and sat at my kitchen counter top for a quiet dinner and drinks session. We talked some more, flirted and smiled. Eventually we moved to the bedroom and locked the door. I moved my furniture around and he said he liked it better. It was another tipsy night but I do remember him kneeling next to the bed to drink the juice from my pussy. He slid his big long fingers inside of me and made me horny as ever. Then he pulled my legs fast and hard so I slid right to the end of the bed. He was on top of me and I grabbed his dick and guided it inside of me. We fucked for a short while before he came. He didn't last to long this time, which I wondered after our first time he came so quick in my hand, and the last time he held out all night. I was wondering how this night would go.
I remember the way he held me that night when we felt asleep together. He held me tight, and fell asleep holding me. He held me with such confidence and affection, like I was his woman. My heart needed that.
There was another time we had a special and fun date together. I lived right by the retrocade in West Asheville and he mentioned he loved taking his kids there. He offered to take my son and I, since the day he wanted to hang I was stuck with my kid. I was so nervous about going on a date with a guy and my kid, that felt like a big no-no, like it was way to soon to introduce them. But as he came through the door my son was excited to meet him right away. We all went across the street and into the arcade. We ordered some beers at the bar and walked around with my son and played a bunch of games with him. It was my first time there and it was so much fun. We played upstairs and downstairs, I was a little buzzed and gave him some public display of affection in the basement area and kissed him in front of all the families. I didn't care, he was daddy for the day and I loved it. After that we went to a restaurant on the same road. We had drinks and lunch, we sat there and talked and he got to chat with my son a bit. Telling him that he could come visit his farm whenever he wanted. Filling my son's head up with false hopes and promises.
Our next date after that was our last one for a while. He asked to take me anywhere so I requested an Omni Grove Park Inn date. When I walked in I had a short nude colored dress, and it was a cold winter night. I stepped through the lobby with my little tight dress and heels, and I could feel the big whoosh of wind flow all around me from the doors shutting behind me. My hair was blowing around, and I swept my eyes across the lobby. I could see everyone looking up at me and I felt like a star out of an old movie walking into a room. I walked towards the bar and didn't see him, I turned around and he came walking up to be eagerly smiling with two drinks in his hand. He handed me mine, and I noticed my hand was a little shakey from being nervous and I was so embarrassed praying to god he didn't see that part.
We sat down and ordered a charcuterie board to hold us over until dinner time. I rubbed his thighs under the table, and made jokes about everyone thinking I was his sugar baby. He said he didn't care, and then I was like FUCK. What if I made him uncomfortable saying that? It took me a while to let go of the fear from that moment, I was just SO nervous the whole time. Our dinner was ready so we went down the hall to the restaurant. It was dark and romantic, we ordered new drinks and he made some casual conversation with the waitress.
We were talking, when halfway through dinner he finally asked me....he asked if I had sex when I went down to Fort Lauderdale to work with a body paint artist a few weeks before. Right away I said yes, I told him my past two ex's struggled to have confidence to film with me so now that I was finally single I went to collab with a male onlyfans creator. He did amazing body paint, and had a large following. I had been stuck at this financial thresh hold for YEARS with my only fans page, and I thought since I was finally single why not try to grow in my career and make a sex tape. All the top girls make boy girl videos, and I was just so tired of being broke. Admitting that to him openly changed the vibe. He was talking in broken sentences but then mentioned he was afraid to have sex now because of it. I immediately took total offense. This man was the one who told me he never wanted to get married again. That he never wanted monogamy again, he clearly let me know my place in his life. Even though I very foolishly felt, if that man I barely knew yet truly, asked me to marry him I would of said yes on the spot. Though he was not interested in that path at all, and I was totally thrown off by his reaction of me sleeping with someone else. I got upset and explained I got tested BEFORE anndddd AFTER filming with my co-star. I questioned when the last time he got tested was, and he said the year before. I just couldn't eat at this point. I hate a plate full of VERY expensive food and I felt sick to my stomach. He could tell I was really upset by the conversation and said sorry. It didn't fix anything though.
I had spent days getting ready for him. Prepping my body, getting my nails done, my hair, buying new jewelry to wear, etc. I was so excited for my fancy hotel date, I was ready to ravish this man tonight. All to find out that...I turned him off. That I disgusted him. I pointed out that we weren't monogamous and I know he fucks other people too. He tried to say something along the lines that the people he fucks aren't the same as the ones I do. As if he was trying to say he fucks okay looking average women maybe? Middle aged moms in town? That he THINKS they get no dick and only fuck him, when they are the ones who are probably out fucking their friends college sons raw. I was just so upset I told him I actually wanted to go home but I couldn't because I knew I had to much to drink. I literally wanted to be away from him.
We slowly and awkwardly walked away from the restaurant and found an outdoor couch by a fireplace. He offered to get me another drink and disappeared to the bar. I walked away to another area to go look at views of the hotel, and he came back and was sitting with our drinks. I didn't see him though so time passed, and I was like wtf did this man ditch me? Though, as I walked over I found him and he was shocked to see me because he thought I ditched him. I sat next to him and started to drunk cry because I was so frustrated. He said he can tell that he triggered me. That my last ex judged me because of my sexuality and he knows it, and that is why I am so upset that he came off as judging me the same. I don't remember the full convo because it has been a while, but I got annoyed and started to question him. I asked why he was holding himself back from me, he started to express his guilt. I questioned what guilt, and right away asked if it was about his kids. Then his eyes started to water and he was beginning to cry and explained he felt guilty about his divorce because he was feeling like he hurt his kids by going through it. We sat and talked through our tears, and he selfishly admitted he liked seeing me cry. He said he liked this version of me more than the one that walked into the lobby. The "real me." What a complete asshole I thought, he liked to see me feeling low and inferior, and for some reason seeing an amazing woman like me being dimmed and weakened made him feel less low about himself? I am not sure what it was exactly.
We ended up back to the room and he got undressed into bed. He tried to pet my thigh when I walked by him and I got real bitchy and said NO! I told him there was no way I would have sex with him after that horrible night. He respected my wishes and rolled over to go to sleep. I was still so mad but trying to calm down, because I still adored him so much. So I put Top Gun on my phone and sat next to his sleeping body watching a movie til I fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, I was so upset still I couldn't even sleep it off. So I drew a super hot bath and got inside for a while. Then I got out and laid in bed next to him. He started to wake up and feel my warm naked body, next thing you know he dives under the blanket and pushes he face into my pussy. I was weak at that moment because I finally got him the way I wanted, he licked my Kitty so good and then leaned over me and asked if it was okay to put himself in me. He remembered even in his sleepy state that I said no earlier, and I really appreciated him stopping to ask before he went forward. I said yes of course and pulled his body towards me to pull his dick deep inside me. I remember it feeling so good and we just stayed in missionary, that one position, and pounded it out til he came. Then I was able to finally relax and fall asleep deeply. I needed that affection.
The next morning though, I woke up mad. Mad as hell, because even with him judging me for being sexually honest and open with him, he still fucked me. So why say anything to begin with if you really didn't care that much? So I left the room and walked around the hotel alone. When I got back he was showering and getting dressed. He had to head out, and he told me I could have a spa day at the hotel and just to charge it to the room to his card. I was sitting there glaring at him, trying to give him the most evil look I could, to show him my anger. I was waiting for him to give me a REAL genuine deep apology. I wasn't satisfied with how things were between us, but he is TERRIBLE at communication and kind of just threw me some frowny faces and little pathetic sorries. I started to cry as he walked out the door, and I told him I knew this was the last time I was going to see him. He put his head down at the ground and walked away.
I was even more frustrated in that moment. The fact he walked away from me leaving me heart broken. I was wishing he cared about me, that he would of ran back over to me and held me in his arms. That he would reassure me he adored me and that he wanted to see me again. I was mad at myself in the moment, watching him walk away, that I still gave in to him and gave him my body that night after he disrespected me and made me feel low. I sat there and cried my eyes out in that hotel room after he left. I hated myself. I hated that I am this weird sexual freak, that I was a nude model, a cam girl, that I was involved in the adult industry.
I hated that my career kept me from making true relationships with others. That my sexual freedom and expression made guys jealous, even the ones who DIDN'T want monogamy. That it was okay for everyone else to sleep around, but when I did it? Oh that threatened a man and made him believe less in my ability to love him.
That week I texted him embarrassed and sorry about my drunken outrage. No answer. Then he randomly texted me one day he was overwhelmed with his divorce and feeling guilty. Which I honestly couldn't get at the moment, because he told me they were separated for two years already, and that he thinks his ex wife was even going to get remarried to a new guy she was dating. But he did say he had a teenage daughter that was bullying him about the divorce, angry at him and saying he deserved all the bad things.
After that I tried to pull back, but I missed him so much and hated how things went between us. So I texted him some sweet messages, with no pressure to meet, and just told him if he needed a friend I am here. That I know the pain of divorce and it is okay for him to be feeling down. No answer... I texted again the next week and still no answer. I couldn't take the humiliation anymore so I deleted his number so I couldn't text him again.
Months passed and I changed my number. I spiraled down after that last date, and felt sad and lonely. I started to erase all my nude and XXX content off my onlyfans. I started to try to plan starting a photography and permanent makeup business. I was trying to change my whole life around because I though if I wanted to find true love that I had to get out of sex work. That nobody would truly love me or give me a chance unless I could show I could be trusted and fully devoted to them. I started birth control because I remember he wanted to cum in me so bad but I wouldn't let him since I wasn't on any. It super fucked up my head and body after only two weeks and I threw out the entire supply. What the fuck was I putting my body through for this guy?
Then I started to go broke, my money went down and I was struggling. I got angry because I realized I was changing myself for someone who wouldn't even answer my messages. So out of rage I did a flip. I decided to be a nude model again, to be a cam model, and rebuild all my online platforms, get all my content back up. I decided I was never going to change myself again for anyone. I was never going to let anyone shame me for my sex work, because it is the one way I know how to provide the best life I can for my son. Because at the end of the day I don't really do all of this for me, it's for my kid. And unfortunately, unlike all these spoiled wives who are taken care of like queens by their husbands, or exhusbands I don't have anyone in my life who loves me like that. So I depend on myself, I depend on sex work to give me the better life I crave for myself and my son.
I started to do shoots again, cam shows, and custom videos. I downloaded dating apps again to find someone to fill the void.. the second swipe on tinder and BAM. His profile comes up again my heart ached and I didn't know what to do. So I swiped right, as a hello, as a very distant hello. He matched with me the same day and asked if I had blocked his number. I guess he tried to reach out to me since I changed it. I told him no that I had a new one. And he didn't answer that message for days so I got mad at myself for being stupid again and even speaking to him so whether I knew if he had seen the message or not I unmatched with his profile. I told myself he didn't deserve me.
A while later, out of the blue I get as $400 tip on my only fans. Out of pure excitement I go to see who, and I see his name. My heart dropped, I quickly signed in and checked my messages. He sent two different $200 tips and said he was sorry. He asked if I blocked his number and he wanted to explain himself. I thought long and hard, and gave him my new number. As much as I wanted to be angry, I just wanted to communicate. I knew he would be slow and still not message me for days if I gave him my number. So I made sure to tell myself to be mature and calm, to not ever expect a message to protect my heart from expecting anything.
Then he did text me, he sent me a long message saying sorry for flaking on me. That he was really depressed from his divorce and that he was an insecure piece of shit. I was really relieved to read that. Because even though I knew he was hurt from dealing with his family breaking up, that he also was being an insecure piece of shit. Because he knew that I was a good hearted person and if he wanted to continue seeing me he would have to be better, and he wasn't ready to make that change.
I left it at that and didn't expect to actually meet again. I thought he just wanted to say sorry and that was it. We ended up in a conversation about meeting though, and I decided to give him a second chance. I knew if I saw him again to not have any expectations to see him after that. I knew he wasn't ready to fit a steady relationship in his lifestyle. I promised myself not to get hurt by him again, that I would protect myself.
He told me he would go anywhere I wanted so I picked out a roof top bar I had never been to before. I dolled the fuck up that night because I wanted him to see me and think wow, how could I let this beauty go. So I went shopping and bought this yellow floral top and skirt, and some heels. I curled my hair pinup style like Marilyn Monroe and put red lip stain on. I walked upstairs to the roof top bar, walked up behind him sitting at it, and tapped him to say hello. He jumped up like I scared him and he turned around smiling at me. Every single person at the bar looked at me too. He was doing his speechless thing again looking at me up and down having a hard time even spitting out the words that I was beautiful. It felt so good to see is familiar face again. We ordered drinks and then stepped outside to the deck because it was hard to hear each other with the DJ inside. The view was amazing, you could see mountains, city building tops, and the sunset. We sat across from each other and caught up for a while. I was smiling big, and I realized how different I felt since the first time I met him. I was relaxed, happy, and free. Earlier this year when we first met I was sad, anxious, and needy for his attention. I was on a totally different vibe this time.
We talked about how I realized I don't want to get married again. Which he glowed up when I said that, I could see the relief come over him, like I was finally on his team. I know he was overwhelmed with being sexually suppressed in a marriage for so long, and even the women after her seemed like they were after his monogamy and his money. Which I see now, triggers him. And I get it, and I agree for the most part. We talked about how we want to be free to love more than one person, to have freedom, etc. He admitted he got a bunch of stuff off my amazon wishlist for me. Then He went to the bar to get us drinks and apparently the bartenders asked him about me. How was he able to find such a beautiful woman. He told them I was his daughter. They laughed and said no way, but he kept saying No she is my daughter. So at the end of the night when the bar was closing we went up to it for one last drink and the bartenders came up to us out of curiosity. So just to fuck around with them I started calling him daddy. I leaned in and asked him if that was okay and he admitted he LOVED that. Which I was shocked to finally JUST find this out after all the time I've known him. Hearing that I got a sparkle in my eye. I was just going on about how I adore daddy and the bartenders turned pink with laughter and shook their heads telling us we are bad. Haha. We then decided it was time to head somewhere else. We talked so much it was to late for dinner but he suggested a cigar bar. I was stoked and so excited to go. We met there in our own cars, once I got out that's when all the drinks from the previous place started to hit me. We walked in and it was fairly quiet and empty. We entered the cigar room, which was three walls covered in cigars with glass doors at the front. Once we were in there he was cool enough to offer to take my naughty pics. So I got SO happy and did my thing right away. I grabbed a cigar and ripped it right out the wrapper, I started to pose with it. Standing, squatting, pulling my breasts out, pulling my panties aside. I got on all fours and poked my ass out in the air. That shit just made me fall for him all over again. Because my dream guy, is one that helps me make onlyfans content!
We sat down near the bar in these little black lounge couch chairs right across from eachother. I sat there puffing my cigar, rubbing up and down his long thighs, calling him daddy and flirting away. I went to the restroom and got sick. I threw up in the toilet, so ashamed and embarrassed, not realizing the cigar mixed with me being drunk took me over the edge. I went back out to him and asked why he didn't sneak in there with me to take pics. So I went back in and made him camera man. He mentioned he likes naughty pics of women doing normal day to day stuff. Like sitting and peeing on the toilet so I go to do it and when I open the lid all my throw up in it and he was standing right there. I slammed it shut and frantically tried to flush it down. He said he didn't care, and again, loved seeing this vulnerable version of me. We took pics and I asked him to drive me home because I just could not, I felt like shit. We got to my apartment and he had memories of being there before because he used to sleep with someone that lived there I guess.
As we walked inside my son was sitting and playing video games. I expected him to be in bed by now, I was only gone for 2-3 hours, and I was expecting to come home alone. But since I needed the ride, and my friend had met my son many times before I let him come home. My son sucked him into a conversation about civil war guns I think, as I ran to the bathroom to puke some more. Embarrassed again I flushed it away, brushed my teeth, cleaned the toilet and sprayed the room. I came out and tried to lay my son down to bed, I ended up passing out drunk right next to him. I felt like crap and all I wanted to do was hold my baby.
I think I woke up at like 4 in the morning to find myself in bed with my kid, I freaked and wondered what happened to my friend?! I walked into the living room and the poor tall ass man was tucked under one of my small living room blankets knocked out with his weed vape laying next to him. I thought it was so sweet he stayed, and so sweet he left me alone with my kid and went to bed on my couch. So I grabbed my kid and moved him to the couch bed, and asked my friend to move into my room. We layed down and fell asleep together. Again, he held me tight in his arms like I was his teddy bear.
We woke up early morning before our alarms. He serviced me and I serviced him but when I went to sit on his cock he pushed me off and came before I could get it in me. I was SO shocked! AGAIN, I turned this man on SO much I made him spew so quickly. I couldn't believe it but cleaned him up and laid in his arms. I was disappointed that time because I knew how good his dick was and wanted it in me. But I couldn't force anything so we laid together until the alarms went off. He got up and showered in my bathroom, he went down to get something from his truck and I met him down there so he could give me a ride to the cigar bar where I left my car parked the night before. When he dropped me off I made sure to kiss him quickly and keep my cool. Say goodbye and keep looking forward, never expecting to see him again. Knowing that I only let myself go on that date out of pure entertainment, not connection or friendship because I already knew I couldn't count on that with him.
In the following weeks we texted a little back and forth and expressed how we enjoyed that fun date. I loved getting drunk and being by his side, I loved talking so openly about myself and my past with him, and I loved calling him Daddy in public.
He contacted me after some time passed and offered to take me anywhere again. I mentioned I wanted to redo our Omni Grove Park Inn date. He agreed, and booked us a room as well as a dinner reservation out the terrace. I told him I always dreamed of eating there and wanted to before they shut down for the cold season. I was excited to make my fancy hotel fantasies come to life even better than last time. I again spent days prepping my hair, body and pussy for him.
I curled my hair like Marilyn Monroe again, and put some red lipstick on. Then I slipped on a long red backless mermaid gown. I was all ready to go. I hopped in my car blasting Elvis music, hitting my vape and headed to the hotel. When I got out Valet was so sweet and offered to take my bag up for me. As I walked towards the door two older woman rolled their car windows down with my big smiles and yelled that my dress and I was beautiful. Everyone around turned to see what the yelling was about, as I walked through the doors the wind blasted me again and all eyes in the lobby were on me. I felt like a star arriving on set, and this time people did not look away after a few seconds. I could see the whole room staring at me in a long gaze as I made my way through the lobby and sat down near the bar. They all watched every step I made. My date was taking a while to show up so I grazed across the lobby to the huge fireplace that was lit.
He eventually found me and greeted me with a cup of wine. I got up and gave him a kiss as we continued to walk around. He was astonished by my dress and said, he couldn't even say anything about how amazing I looked. Haha, I swear I always make this man speechless.
Then we enjoyed the night like two stars arm in arm. We sat at a table in a huge window and talked for a long time. Always "catching up" because there are always long periods of time in between our dates. I mean not that long, maybe a month or two but long enough to feel like I hadn't seen him in a year. I just have been experiencing so many internal changes in such a short time this year I feel like a much older and wiser person every time I run into him. We made our way to our dinner reservation, and the hostess said, "Are you ready Mrs. ___?" (Insert his last name there) And I said YES! I loved hearing a stranger calling me his Mrs. because there was a small part inside of me that fantasized about being that for him.
We had an amazing delicious dinner outside. I moved from sitting across of him to sitting right next to him in the booth. I kept grabbing his thigh and planting quick kisses on him. I was so turned on from my glamourous upscale night out with him. When we finished dinner he said he wanted to walk with me and show me off. I LOVED hearing that, then he offered to take me to the piano bar downstairs! I freaked out because I had no clue there was one.
In the glass see through elevator on the way down, I mentioned something kinky like wanting him to spit in my mouth, or me spit in his and I don't remember. He perked up and mentioned he would LOVE that! We kissed in the elevator and I did a quick spit in his mouth. We got a drink at the bar and headed to the piano area. It was super empty with only one other couple there and two men each playing piano and signing. I walked him over to the big glowing sign in the room and asked him to take some pictures of me in front of it. Showing off my silhouette in front of the light, turning around to reveal my naked back to the camera. Then we sat down by the pianos again and just listened for a while I was loving snuggling up with him and hearing some old school songs. He gave me some 20s to tip them so I walked up and in a very flirty way dropped money in each of their jars. They said I could request a song so I asked if they could play Elvis and they sure did. Then they offered me to sit on their pianos and take pics. My friend asked if I could flash my tits and they guys nervously said no because their liquor license would get taken, haha. So we continued with our sexy pics anyways.
We sat back down and more people started to show up. Once there were other people taking the piano men's attention we started to passionately kiss on our couch. He lifted my hand up and placed it right on his hard cock in his jeans. I was tipsy and so caught up in the kinky moment with him I didn't care who saw and I carelessly started to rub his dick over his pants while we kissed. We started spitting in each other's mouths, I whispered Yes Daddy to him and gave out soft quiet moans in between our kisses. I was just so turned on to see this sexy ass middle aged corporate man proud to have me on his arm that night, and being just as adventurous and freaky with me. I loved that he wasn't being to shy and took me right there in that moment. We then decided it was time to get to our hotel room.
We got inside and I think he went to brush his teeth. I started to sing him "Happy Birthday Mr. President" like Marilyn Monroe did to JFK and lured him into the room with me. Then the switch flipped. Full erotic mode, kissing and more spitting. He pulled my body quickly to the end of the bed like he does, got my pussy wet with his mouth, which I was enjoying his oral SO much he did REALLY great this time. I put my hands on his head slightly pushing it down into my vulva. Making him eat more of me, and then he slid his cock in me and fucked me good. I remember him actually saying a few things to me, dirty talking to me, and I called out to him calling him Daddy. He has usually been very quiet during sex with me so I was excited to break him out of his head, get him to be an animal and truly enjoyj the moment with me.
He pulled out and came all over me, I loved feeling his big hot load on my skin. I felt accomplished. We drank some water and laid down together, and like he does like a total man, he grabbed me closed and fell right to sleep. I laid there awake for a little just enjoying the feeling of being in his arms again. It felt so good, falling asleep with him has become one of my most prized times with him. We woke from his alarms, and did some last minute in the morning fooling around again. And once more, I made him cum. He laid there breathing and trying to get himself together to finally wake up and get ready. He showered and I took some nudes in the white sheets with my big messy Marilyn hair He quickly got dressed and got his stuff together to rush out to work. Gave him a last kiss goodbye and sent the man on his way.
I smiled because I had a great night, and I was able to enjoy it because I didn't drink to much. I am not much of a drinker so when I go out with him I feel really safe and let loose a little to much. This time I held myself up just fine. He wanted to give me a spa day but they were booked out so he gave me his card info to book a spa day regardless another time.
So I did, I went back to the Omni Grove a week later. I had to walk all the way down their huge back door staircase outside to get down to where the spa was. I felt like a princess rushing down the castle stairs. It was a total royal and magical moment. I checked in and got my 80 minute massage by a handsome young fella. Then I got to enjoy their hot/cold dip tubs which I had never done before. I sat in the steam room which was a blessing, and I swam in the indoor pools that had special minerals in it, and waterfalls coming down from the roof above me. I had never seen a spa like it before and felt like a total princess! I was so grateful in my mind that Daddy had given me this experience.
I texted him thank you but again, didn't ever hear back from him. I was disappointed but not really because I knew that is just how things are with him. I started to see clients again so I kept myself distracted by men who actually wanted to talk to me more in between dates. Guys who thought I was amazing, and even if they couldn't meet they would at least text me to tell me they were thinking of me. Or hoping I have a beautiful day. The type of things this guy never does for me that I crave.
Recently, he randomly texted me and asked for my Venmo and I asked him why? He said he was thinking of me. Which shocked me because if he ever does think of me, he never takes the time to text or call me and tell me. He acts like one of my married clients that adores on me and then ditches me and disappears until he can see me again. But this guy wasn't even married, but he likes to keep his distance. I checked my email to find he sent me $1000 with a note attached saying "For being a single mom" with a heart emoji next to it.
I was so confused why he was thinking of me, why he would send me such a large amount of money out of nowhere when he barely talks to me. I wondered if maybe he does care about me, if maybe I am on his mind more than I realize and he is just a busy man caught up in his messy life right now. Either way I felt flattered that he would do such a gesture for me. I almost worry though that he is doing that out of guilt, because he ghosted on me once before, and pretty much came back into my life and did it again. Casually hooked up with me and disappeared, so I am afraid to get to excited about his gift and think maybe he cares about me, when maybe it is just him trying to buy me out of being sad about him. He is a big stone wall, that doesn't let himself get close or emotional to me so I'll never know. He doesn't tell me if he likes me, he doesn't tell me how I make him feel, he doesn't tell me if he cares about me on a deeper level none of it. In fact, he talks in slow broken up sentences a lot. I can tell he is afraid to speak his mind sometimes because he will be half way through a sentence, and stop and just look me in the eyes and nod his head. As if I know what he is trying to say, but I can't read minds and I have to guess the next words and pry it out of him. He is just not good at communication at all evidently.
So I would of really liked to title this blog Daddy, but I named it Richard Gere. All because, my mom used to always crush on Richard G when I was growing up and watching pretty woman all the time. She lusted over the sexy man with grey hairs, who was quiet and mysterious but rich and powerful. So when I met this guy and told my mom about his we agreed to give him that nick name. So whenever my mom calls she asks, "How is Richard Gere?!"
I guess I associated him to that character because he was my dream guy, and when I met him I kind of wished he would fall for me and want to spoil me and make me his girl. Take me away from the world of sex work and give me the financial freedom to chase my other dreams like photography, painting, dance, and tattoo. Just like Richard for Julia Roberts did in Pretty Woman, who doesn't love the story of a rich man sweeping a hooker away to be his princess? To save her from her long an tedious servitude of giving to men? I guess I always wish he could of been that for me.
But he obviously is in a different place in his life than I am, and I am meant to be on this solo path right now. Even I know I am not ready for a serious relationship. It doesn't mean I don't crave it though. That I don't get lonely. I almost feel like a tortured vampire by being a mistress to so many married or emotionally unavailable men. I sit here in solitude, and watch all my crushes off living their lives with their families. Growing and going through life together. I am the one who is loved and left behind, always here in the shadows waiting for their affection again, before I have to return to my own personal tomb of loneliness. Wishing that I could be human, that I could have family, affection and love.
I can't seem to find anybody that wants to stay by my side though. Anyone that isn't ashamed of me. I can't even imagine EVER meeting someone at this point that would ever love me enough to devote their life to being by my side and growing together. I have nobody to be there for me but myself. Even all my closest friends, the people I cherish the most, I can't even text them when I want to to. I have to hide away in secrecy and discretion.
So my dates with daddy, are purely for fun. I don't expect any friendship or love from him because I know he has way to many of his own issues to worry about. I am grateful though, that meeting him gave me strength. It made me angry to be abandoned, and in that abandonment I learned to love myself and my solitude. I built up stronger walls around my inner castle, and now it is much harder for anyone to penetrate my heart.
Daddy is a man that I adore, and I hold a small space for him in my heart. I know in another lifetime, we would of been great. I know that this time, just wasn't it. But I am a sucker that falls in love to easily (My fav Chet Baker song), so I will always save some love for Daddy always. So when he randomly pops up again, I can get lost in that realm with him, until I have to return to reality again.
p.s. this is one of the longest blogs I have ever written I think, if you made it this far you are a fuckin TROOPER and I love you. xoxox