Updated: Aug 9, 2020
So you may have seen my posts about getting rhinoplasty this year. I finally did it on August 28th, 2019. So it has only been a week since the procedure, but I wanted to talk about my experience so far.
First off, why I did it? Because I wanted to silly that's why! Ever since I announced my procedure, people have been interrogating me, and questioning why I wanted to change my nose, the one I was naturally born with. Yes, it is a little upsetting, even to me. I am super into holistic medicine, self-love, spirituality, and what not..I used to judge people who got cosmetic surgeries. I thought how insecure, and how vain.
After breastfeeding for three years though, and ending up with flappy, saggy, wrinkled and lifeless boobs in my early twenties, I started to change my opinion on it all. For goodness sake my nipples pointed downward and my own kid would say "Mommy, your titties look sad." It would make me upset every time I looked in the mirror, don't get me wrong I love wrinkled relaxed breasts! But... when it matches the rest of your body and you've changed that way slowly over a lifetime, not a sudden change within a few years.
I also was finally living my best life, I graduated, moved from home, been through a little shit, found an amazing partner and got out of the shit, started a loving little family and I had just made my first modeling portfolio. How could I really move forward with my dream of being the ultimate sex goddess one day, if I was insecure and sad about my body. No fuckin way, nothing was stopping me from my ridiculous dreams. So with my tax return (because having a kid you get a few grand) I went to the South Florida Center for Cosmetic Surgery and got the Valentines Day special $3,000 boob job! I was happier than ever, and even when I woke I had the biggest smile my nurses said, "You are the happiest patient we have ever had!"
So over the next few years after that, I blossomed. I had already started my cam show before the surgery to my first viewers got to see me go through the change and healing process. I started cosplaying like crazy, I felt so beautiful, curvy, and feminine. I had the woman's body I always dreamed of, I could wear bras, dresses, corsets, and things like I couldn't before. I had the confidence to bring me where I am today. I couldn't of made it this far if I didn't love and believe in myself.
Now, I got a nose job! I didn't like my profile, I felt like I had a big witch nose. Nobody else saw what I saw, at least nobody wanted to admit it. I was perfect, in their eyes. I have been self made over the years, as in photography and editing, so my husband always took my pics and I always edited them. I always had control over what angle people saw my face in. The bump on the top of my nose and the crooked spot in the front in the middle was very suttle but I am anal about details, and yep it bothered me that much. I guested on Naked News, and that is when it really hit me that I didn't like my nose seeing film of me talking from the side. Also, I started shooting with other photographers and they would release pictures I would hate, and I didn't want to be that model asking them to take pics down I don't like. What is the fun in shooting if you don't like the pics? I also tried getting cheek and lip fillers to see if that would make me more beautiful. My eyes were really sunken, and the fillers did nothing for me. I realized it was stress and lack of sleep and no fillers could fix that. My lips got slightly more plump but it barely looked different for a shit load of money, and I still didn't feel as feminine in my facial features like I wanted. The fillers were a no-go for me. Hence, when I narrowed it down to my nose that was really bothering me.
So I got it for my confidence. So I could feel beautiful on the outside as well as in. That is another thing I wanted to point out to the fussy people, it is your energy is what matters. Who you are as a person, being loving, and caring for each other. Our bodies are temporary, they age, slow down, and change regardless so why not have a say in how it changes? We all get tattoos, piercings, and dye our hair now a days, which to some doesn't compare to cosmetic surgery but it does, I'm sorry its the truth, lol.
So the surgery was easy peezy, they knocked me out, they were all these sweet older women I loved the nurturing energy they had. They were putting an IV in me, wrapped my legs in these compression wrap things, put a warming blanket on me, and petted my arm and head until I fell asleep hearing James Taylor music in the background. I woke up and my wonderful supportive partner came to pick me up. I was so thirsty when I woke the nurse brought me two waters, and a ginger ale. I chugged them down so quick!
For a week a laid in our guest bedroom to get space from my wild 5 year old, and sleep alone propped up on pillows with an airplane neck pillow. I had the splint on my face but I still had fun with it and snap chatted away. I took my medicine both natural and pharmaceutical and slept a ton. It was my first time taking Valium, and it was quite relaxing. I am so glad its over those I don't like pills as my mom has always had a pill addiction mixed with alcoholism all my life so it really freaked me out to take them for to long. I had no pain at all during the first week, and I didn't even feel a big pressure a lot of youtubers talked about. It wen't great for me! I also barely bruised by the third day it was a little green and dark but very faintly.
Yesterday I got the splint off and got to see my new nose. It was shiny, pink, and swollen at first so I was a little weirded out to be honest. It is not a right away happy reaction, but I wanted to stay positive in front of my surgeon because I know I still need to heal. I came home cleaned the glue off my nose, and a bunch of bloody boogers out, haha. I got to wash my face with my normal routine finally, and took a nap to let my nose chill. When I woke I could already see a slight difference and started taking my first pictures. It is fat and swollen, my doc said it will get bigger and expand now that it can breath with the cast off, then it will finally unswell and settle into shape. So my nose will be changing over the next few months, and possibly even up to a year. Now that I am not on any pain medicine at all, I am not even taking Tylenol my nose is a little sore feeling like a bruise type feeling. I am just relaxing, sleeping, and using meditation to ease my pain.
At the end of my last visit, the nurse left the room and my surgeon kept talking to me. She said she was just talking to a friend and they were saying how chaotic the world is now, and what is there left to do. She said I think all you can do is a be a good person, try your best, and let your light shine. She looked over at me in the eyes and said I think that is what you do, you shine your light to make the world a better place. I wanted to cry tears of joy being told that, it was a heaven sent message. Sometimes with all I have been through, all my talents, and all the possibilities I know that can exist, I get really lost and confused on who I am and what the hell my purpose is. In that moment that woman touched my heart so much by saying that, and I felt..purpose.
So it has been an amazing experience seeing my body change over the years, from being a child to a teenager, to early adulthood, pregnancy, child birth, breastfeeding, breast augmentation, rhinoplasty and all the little things in between.Also the people, conversations, and magical little experiences along the way too. It feels so good to take control of my body, and not feel guilty about wanting to be beautiful, to MY OWN standards, and not everyone else's. At the same time staying true and authentic on the inside, and sticking to who I am, no matter what change.
So keep shining your light kids, the world needs it. xoxo