Well well well, look who showed up to blog. I see my last one was in December. Goes to show it has been a hell of a year for me. It seems like my life is always going through a million changes all the time. I have come to a point where I am slowing down to realize everything that has transpired in the p see ast couple years and deciding where I go next. I have bought my first home, went through divorce, changed religions, my kid started school, and I came back to webcam full time.
Whoa, a lot in one sentence I know. It is what it is though, and honestly it is sooo fuckin weird even talking about this openly on the internet. That was the hard part about introducing my new partner to my fan base, because I tend to be a private person and I never publicly addressed the separation. So I know it was hard for a lot of family and friends to just suddenly find out I was in a new relationship.
The truth is I wasn't happy for a LONG time, I in fact have been depressed most my life but I never looked at it that way. I just thought, that's life. Though I notice I tend to hurt a littler harder than I should, as well as sit in my mind longer than I should.. Six years ago though I remember when this cloud formed over me. It never left for years, I would ignore it but when I looked up, it was always there. So this year, I faced my biggest fears, got super brave, and spoke up. I finally spoke up for myself, and demanded freedom from a life under this dark cloud. I wanted to just be truly completely happy to the core for once.
You can't be happy with secrets and lies. You have to be honest, with yourself and with others. I lied to both for a super long time. I finally feel like I am really waking up though...and it makes me sad to see time pass and decisions I could have made differently, actions I could have taken differently...but at this point I know I can do nothing but surrender, accept what is now, and move forward.
It has been hard having so many changes this year. Both internal and external. Along with trying to close old doors with good heart, I have opened a new one with a full heart. For this first time in my life I have decided to dive into a completely monogamous, honest, relationship. In the past I always did what I wanted, and I still am... because I want to be monogamous. Which is probably absolutely insane for my ex, or all my past lovers to hear. For so long I preached by poly lifestyle, I swore that was who I was. For the first time though I find myself wanting to lock myself away in this monogamous tower of love lol.
It isn't easy though, when you have spent years both publicly and personally building yourself up as this ultimate sex goddess. For when you do decide you want to "settle down" everyone who ever thought they had a chance with me now gets fussy and acts disappointed that I am not giving myself over to them. People turn their nose on you when you don't give them what they want. Quite frankly though, I don't care anymore. I spent my whole life giving to others and taking care of everyone else, I feel I finally deserve to relax and be spoiled for once.
So I decided to clear out all the negative in my life. I left a relationship that no longer served me.. I decided instead of trying to be super mom and over worrying myself, to put my son in school instead of homeschooling him. I also left behind a religion I was in because it was a certain branch of witchcraft that I didn't feel good practicing. It was a cuban african style craft, and I have found I am much more into Wicca style pagan practices.
The hard part is I bought my first home, and I was so stressed and went through so much to get this house, like... SO MUCH. But I live in the lower half of the house and have been turning it into a livable space. Though, all summer I have lived with a broken A/C, and no kitchen along with constantly cleaning, painting, and fixing for months. It has been exhausting, and it is a one bedroom. So I have no cam room, or bedroom for my kid.
So just when I thought I reached a mountain top, could buy a house and finally settle stop moving around and focus on work, my whole life changed and now its changed my needs and space available for living. Thus, I realized....I need to move again.
So right now that is my main goal, I am trying to save about 4k so I can move to the suburbs in Georgia. I want to live in a nice neighborhood, with a three bedroom house, and a good yard for my kids and dogs, as well as a good school with sports teams and parks etc around for me to take my kid to. I now realize the little mountain town I moved to, is not a great place to raise a kid. It is full of old people here and there is nothing to take him to do. Not for anything it isn't very diverse here either and I don't want my kid to grow up without any diversity.
The sucky thing is Lowes accidentally refunded me 1400 a few weeks ago that they already did months ago... I didn't realize, spent the money and now they are asking for it back. So I am trying to come up with 1400 I dont have and trying so hard to get a savings started for my move. I want to move ASAP, I am SOOOO tired of washing my dishes in the bathroom sink and tub!
Though it sounds like a lot of hardships things are great too. I am finally feeling good about my official website and cam page,I got published in Playboy AND Hustler, and I finally broke my creative block and start filming content again. I also have a dance pole on the way so I can learn !!! SO EXCITED!
So all I can say is sorry for being away everyone, I am back at it and creating again. The sooner I move the sooner I can get my cam studio, and get my kid in school 5 days a week so I can go stream crazy. I still am in the Hustler contest for the next couple weeks. I need everyone to vote ONCE a day EVERRRRYYY day so I can win the$1500.. It can help me SOOOO much with my move too! Bless your hearts everyone, I do love you so. Take a scroll through my new site and for now on the skypes are in the store section of my site. xoxox babes I will touch base soon. P.s. the pic from this blog is from a full set at onlyfans.com/misskittyquinn