Well Well WELLL, look who came out of silence to write again. It has been months since my last blog. I have had a hard time writing lately. As it takes a lot, and changes things more than people realize. The power of words huh...
One of my last blogs I believe was my foursome blog. Things have been a little bit intense since then. When I released that sex tape, it changed how men approached me. It went from sweet and professional introductions, to crude and raunchy requests to film all the time. My current clients also thought they could get more out of me, because that saw me do big performances on camera. Things like anal, or raw sex... or just whatever else nasty fantasy a guy could think of to tell me.
And it wasn't anything THAT new....I have been dealing with men being crude my whole life. And being in SW all through my 20s, I always brushed it off. Laughed at it. I thought, ohh thats just silly men but really their innocent at heart. Just a bunch of horny pups. But since that foursome video in December, something was different. I didn't appreciate the constant sexualization anymore. I couldn't brush it off as easy anymore. I wanted to fight back against it.
It has been a wild and long past few months, I have been through so many experiences and changed so much internally. It has been a quantum leap of emotions and wisdom. January I tolerated the cold winter, took my kid to school, and did bookings while just getting breast augmentation in December. So my incisions were still open and I was still weak and sensitive. I dont know why I allowed myself to do bookings, because even though I communicated with people to leave my breast alone that they are healing. Men don't listen. Everyone was still trying to grab my boobs, squeeze them, and lick them. I would look down in horror when I saw a client go to suck on my breasts when my incisions were still open and healing, and my nipple skin was completely flaked over from healing. I was so disgusted with the loss of common sense. Like do men think I would kiss them after that ? That it feels good AT ALL? Men can just be really selfish in the bedroom, and well..you guys just dont fuckin listen. lol
Once Febuary came it was a whirlwind of a month. I went on SO MANY TRIPS! I had an amazing adventure in Myrtle Beach with two very sexy studs I filmed with. This is the one amazing time I had in the past few months that was not an overwhelming or negative experience. I had a content creator friend Santino who has wanted to film with me for a while. I am VERY picky who I film with, I don't want it to be just anyone. It needs to be another influencer with a brand and fan base like me. An adult industry PROFESSIONAL. Well he hit me up and asked if I would be open to 3way content with his friend Dante. He sent me his pic and I was like DAMN!
So I drove nearly 6 hours to Myrtle beach to meet these boys. And boys they were only 23 years young. Which shocked me because I thought they were my age, and I don't like hooking up with people younger than me. But they were so mature, and so sexy, they were on my level of professionalism too. We met at the hotel they booked for us for the weekend. As soon as I got there I was introduced to our videographer who was this professional photogrpaher they knew in town. And I asked to take a shower after a long drive and that turned into a double Blow job scene! LOL, the guys were so excited I remember Santino just gasping and sighing in the shower in disbelief, saying he couldn't believe I was so beautiful, and so sexy, and so willing. He pet my head and said with determination, "I LOVE YOU!"
We fucked and filmed all weekend. What made it so sexy was before hand we all texted that we were genuinely attracted to eachother and this wasn't going to be fake camera acting, real passion. The two guys were straight for me, they didn't touch eachother. All focused on me and just giving me all the pleasure I want. They were just....perfect. What can I say. They were beautiful men, and knew how to fuck. I felt like a true queen when I was with them. We fucked all over the hotel room, outside on the porch out in the open, and even in the elevator! It was such a fun experience hanging out with younger guys close to my age, who also have the same career as me. It was actually funny cuz I told them to call me mommy and they did all weekend, even on film. Then Santino was even SUPER into Elvis just like me! We would dance and sing Elvis songs together in the car all weekend. I honestly thought, I could marry this hottie. He loves Elvis and brings cock home to me? Dream hubby right there.
It was a beautiful weekend, and quite exciting. We had their gym trainer and his girlfriend help us film scenes, which is always fun to get a normie involved in a production because their energy is very high since its a new realm for them. I was even on the porch of our hotel on the beach, when the Spy Balloon got shot down! It was wild, and they took care of me all weekend food drink and herb whatever I needed.
The hottest parts for me were the moments off camera. Because when there are no cameras it is WAY easier for guys to stay hard. I remember it being the three of us together one night, right before falling asleep, I was squished in between them both and couldn't help but start kissing and rubbing them. Inducing a threesome yet again, I will never forget laying back on the bed, and seeing them both on their knees looking down at me right in my eyes. I felt like they could see me, and without any words, they were listening to me. By watching my eyes, my face, and my body. So they could take care of me and know what to do next. To feel four different hands grabbing my limbs, lifting me and placing me in different positions. I felt like I had the whole world with them.
Another beautiful moment I loved was when Santino and I were laying naked sunbathing on the porch and I was taking some pics of him laying there for his page because he looked simply stunning lol. But I leaned over him and gave him an upside down spiderman kiss. Then we just kept kissing, sooo slow and gooey. It made my heart flutter. I kissed his forehead, eyelids, jaw line, his neck and his chest and belly. I just covered him in soft and slow kisses, which eventually led to me making him cum. It felt so amazing, being butt naked, way up high in the air, feeling the sun all over my entire body and the salty air blowing all over our bare skin. So many sensations.
They were also kind enough to tell me when the weekend was over , how grateful they were to work with me. They even pointed out how much it was better to sleep with an "older" chick because gals their age are very insecure, or bad at sex, and don't know what to do. I know I am still in my 20s and not much older than them, because I felt like they were the same age as me, but that moment made me realize I am a woman and I do have mature qualities. Sometimes I feel like I am still 19 in my mind. But it shows, my knowledge, confidence and wisdom, my aging grace I was always afraid of, is now a beautiful thing for me.
After myrtle beach, it was a wild month. I was already exhausted from the weekend with the boys, because an event like that is spiritual and takes a lot out of you, but I had adventures to go on! I first flew to LA to go to a big porn collab event with a modeling agency I worked with. It was a fun disaster of a trip. They misscommunicated with me the address of the event so I booked an airbnb in San Clemente almost 2 hours away from the mansion where I was supposed to go. All because they gave me a wrong address. But I had to make the best of it, I was excited for my FIRST trip ever to LA. When I landed I got a nice rental car, feeling on top of the world I first headed to Talent Testing to get a full panel STD check before filming. Then from there I went straight to a cannibas dispensary. I was amazed driving on the highway, seeing the palm trees AND the mountains. I could smell weed and hot dogs in the air, I put LA Woman by the Doors on my stereo and blasted it with my windows rolled down. Then I made the long trip to my airbnb. When I got there it was BEAUTIFUL, I didn't realize I booked a 3 story house on the beach! It was the biggest house on the block, with a beautiful rooftop deck I walked onto it right at sunset and could see the beach from it.
Over the weekend I went to the mansion event, and it was fun. I got to meet a ton of amazing women who do exactly what I do! I haven't made girl girl content in SIX whole years until LA. I filmed some amazing lesbian scenes and made so many valuable new friends and connections in the industry. I also got to last minute book a shoot with a cosplay LA photograher, and a Miami photographer I have followed for years online. So it was an accomplishing trip.
Straight from LA I flew to Cancun Mexico for Valentines Day! I stayed there for a couple days actually, my first international booking. It was with one of my regular clients I usually meet with in NC. He had to go for his yoga school's special retreat, and invited me along. I got my own room and everything! So it was really nice he gave me space. I had so much fun staying at an all inclusive resort, I had food and drink whenever I wanted. I got my ass sun burned at the beach, and got to strut around in dresses and heels. My client also was an amazing lover so it was a very satisfying holiday.
From there I flew back to North Carolina for a few days before I was off to New York City for a couple days! I got to do a shoot with an old friend and photographer whose work I love. Then I got to go on a dinner date booking to a really nice steak house and a walk through Times Square. I walked through there once before years ago, but I guess I didn't walk the long way and WOW, there are so many weirdos there. Hahaha.
From New YorK I went back home to NC again, and not before long ANOTHER trip to Mexico. This time it was Tulum, and for a reality show at a nude resort. Which was TOTAL bullshit and they lied, it was a nude resort with cameras in the trees. With an insane OVERWHELMING schedule with no breaks the whole weekend. Everyone was pissed and whining and barely making it through the weekend when the last day, I marched up to the owner of the resort, and the production team and told them I was pissed and I demanded they all leave us the fuck alone. I was proud of myself for being that strong, for a group of women, even with women that I thought would be more mature and strong than me but I was the only one to finally speak up and make the demands. Then when we were finally relaxing and enjoying our night off that I had to stomp around for, one of the live band members playing at the resort tried to sexually assult me but I twisted his arm and got away from him quick.
When that happened it effected me too. Which before, it was always not the biggest deal to me when a guy tries to keep being sexually forceful to me. I am just used to it. But this time I was fed up and NOT having it. I was angry, I FINALLY saw how being constantly sexualized was starting to wear me down, and make me feel low and defeated. Because I realized a lot of men think I want ALL or EVERY man, or sex all the time. But the truth is ... I don't.
Aside from all the bad on that trip, the best part was getting to swim in the Cenotes butt naked. They were these beautiful caves full of crystal clear water and bats flying around. The energy is so intese when you swim in them, because it is pretty fucking scary. It just FEELS ancient, you can feel the intense energy down in there. I was told they were formed years ago when meteorites hit the earth. So being the little witch I am, I was excited to swim in something with ancient alien energy.
I was happy to end the weekend on a fun note, we were all good girls all weekend until the last night I influenced everyone to start doing making out videos. I even had a little line going of girls taking turns making kissing videos with me it was so precious! (I still haven't released those, so be sure to check my onlyfans soon for when they come out.)
After Mexico, I felt defeated and angry...and depleated. I saw the shitty things that come out of modeling events. From both the LA trips, and the mexico trip. There were so many more stories within those trips I just couldn't fit it all into this blog. BUT, I realized how much women are treated like shit. I realized how women are treated like shit in the adult industry. I saw how I was treated like shit for being in the porn world and I didn't like it.
So something died inside me. What died, was my dream to be a big time porn star. I realized I don't want the money or validation from a porn career anymore. I still want to be a model forever, but even though I enjoy sharing my body more...I just see the world I create around me when I live that lifestyle. It made me appreciate my clients SO much. For these sweet kind, experienced gentlemen, who spoil the fuck out of me and genuinely enjoy my time and my body. Porn stars don't appreciate me the way my clients do. They just want to use me to profit off of me, I am just another porn scene to them. I now see all the beautiful, and sacred connections I have made with my suitors. And those are more valuable to me than any clout, fame, or attention.
So when I finished Febuary I decided to block out all of March. No trips, and no bookings. I was going to take time to heal my mind and body, and to rest. During that march I obviously went through a revelation. Or many of them. As I ended up making an entire life change. I decided I was tired of the fast life, of all the money, and all the bills that come with it. 2400 a month for rent, 2000 a month for babysitter to handle all the travel and bookings, the 500 in electric during the winter, the 500 in car payments, then allll the other bills, groceries, and random expenses. I know a lot of you are rich gentlement and that is no biggie, but for ME, having an accumulation of over 7k in bills a month, for a single mom such as i, is a FRIKIN LOT. And while I did all that traveling in Feb, the company I had helping me with my onlyfans page completely tanked it. It went from a monthly income of 10k down to 2k.
I was so angry, I have been a cam model for 6 years now to finally get my onlyfans to 10k a month! For it to all be gone in one month. I was beyond fustrated, and depressed. I also just told everyone I wasn't doing any bookings in March, so I was panicking about money. For me, my travel companionship was always supposed to be for fun and extra spoils. When I realized I was going to have to do bookings out of survival mode, I couldn't bare the thought. For me SW is not fun unless its ...just for extra fun and for spoils. Not because I NEED to.
So I decided instead of making myself a sex slave I was just going to change my lifestyle. In less than two weeks I sold everything I owned and moved into a RV. It is permanently parked since I have a kid in school, but now I am in a tiny little home. Just my son, my dog and I. I even paid off the next 3 months of lot rent. ANNNDDD the electric, sewage and water is ALL included. It is in a beautiful gated tiny home community, has a pool, gym, clubhouse, laundry, dog park, shower rooms, and all the works.
Thanks to two fellas. One is a client I have known for years but can rarely see me. When he does he always gives me 10k, which is only like once a year I see him. I was saving the 10k for a house savings, but when I was on my March break I dipped into my savings and it went down to 7k. Then a very special man to me, "Richard Gere" (I've written a very long previous blog about him) contacted me recently and asked me on a date. We only see eachother every couple months, and I declined. I told him I fall to hard for him and then he dissapears on me. He tried to apologize for being flakey post divorce and that he was ready to settle down. I told him I am not, because I cant' let any man stop me from my travel companion business because I refuse to retire until I get a house and land. He asked me out again a week later and I declined again. I was always weak and easy for him before so I think it was hurting him I was finally refusing him and standing up for my heart, and my goals.
Then he hit me up and said he is going to the Masters and wanted a beautiful, presentable woman to be by his side when he meets the bankers trying to kiss his butt. I was shocked he picked me, knowing he is this sexy corporate older man, and probably knows so many beautiful classy and conservative women he could take with him. And he chose me.... not to sound insecure but I know I am young and tatted up. We have been on plenty of dates out in public all over town, but the fact he picked me, that he was proud of me, even at this really prestigous event. It warmed my heart. Then he told me he would pay me for my time since he knows I take it VERY seriously, and he really wanted to help my son and I with my house and land goals. He said even if I wouldn't go with him he still wanted to send me money. Then sent me 8k! I was like wow, all while recently looking at RVs and thinking of the crazy idea of moving into one. The 8k was exactly what I needed for the other half of the money for a camper I was eyeing on facebook marketplace.
So then I got my camper, left everything behind and moved into it. So I have to thank these generous gentlemen for helping me change my life. Because now I can just focus on being a mom, being present in the moment, not working on my phone all day even when my kid is begging me to get off of it. I don't have to worry about bills, or cleaning a big house. It is NICE. There is the loss of having space, and a full bath tub, and other many luxurious perks of living in a full home. But I sacrifice it now, so I can save, and have my queendom later on.
Richard Gere invited me for a night out, he wanted to take me on a trip, maybe go to the nicest hotel in Greenville, but then I told him I just wanted to stay home with him. So he invited me to his farm which was really a dream date for me. I loved his place and would rather be in his space over any fancy hotel.
So I got to the farm and greeted him. He made me a drink and we sat on his back porch talking and catching up. It was SO windy and cold because he lives literally on top of a mountain. He apologized for not being himself, and that he woke up anxious. I couldn't tell, but I told him I was sorry if I was making him feel weird. He said no that it was "him", but I gave him a hug and told him it is okay and I'm here for ALL of it. I asked him to take some topless pics of me in front of the mountains on the horizon. He always is a good photographer and took a bunch of shots for me. Then he offered to go on the side by sides and told me to drive. I was nervous but I did, and I did great. He was shocked by my skill, even I was. I was like DAMN kitty don't forget you ARE a grown ass woman, ahaha!
I got to see historical cabins on his land, and all his farm animals. We even got off to do a nude shoot at a creek, and I also stopped to scratch some cows and they were SO cute like giant puppies! After we got back from the side by sides he said he felt a lot better. Hopefully my nude kisses in the forest calmed his soul lol.
We made more drinks then decided to get ready for dinner out on the town. I got dolled up in a white dress and white furry coat with my Marilyn hair. When I walked out the bathroom into the house in my dress in heels he said, "Wow! You looking stunning." I was happy to impress.
We went out to a bar for a drink and chat first. I loved kissing him right at the bar in front of everyone. Nothing like some public tongue action. Then we went to our dinner reservation. By this time I was surely tipsy as I never really drink and I was slammin them down. It was a good meal, lot's of talking and catching up. We left and headed back home to his farm. It was a dark, scary, windy, drive up the mountain. I knew he was tipsy like me too, but he was daddy and I trusted him. We got to his place and made our usual cuddle spot on the floor in front of his fireplace. We kissed, made love, and fell asleep in eachother's arms. We eventually switched to his bed in the middle of the night. I had a early morning though and got up and gave him forehead kisses while he was tucked into bed.
I left a happy woman, an aching one, because he is the only guy ive been casually dating outside of my bookings the past year. And there are not many men I want to be submissive for, but I always ache to be his girl. To mean so much more to him, to spend more time with him. So I am looking forward to our trip this weekend at the Masters. More bonding I have been patiently waiting for.
But yea! Now it is April, I am taking bookings again but I have raised my rates so business is even slower. Which is good, and what I wanted. To be more exclusive, lower volume of bookings through the month, to meet with people who truly adore me and want to invest in our relationship. So I only have one booking coming up with my longest time client of all. "Mr. Big" who is also a very special man to me. He has really been there for me through thick and thin, finaically, AND emotionally. He has been more than a good friend and lover. So it will be healing to do my first booking back with my special man.
Spring is starting, my new life is starting, changes have been made... I don't know what I want anymore. At least that is how I feel lately. Confused. I am focusing on rebuilding my onlyfans, and my occasional bookings. I am in a different lifestlye and space now, trying to figure out a new routine for myself. I am also trying to figure out another career to add to my life, as I have been aching for something different for a while but I am just not sure what. Permanent makeup....or photography.... sex coaching..... selling art....midwifery. There are so many directions I could go. I am just am not sure what will truly make me happy. So right now I am just fighting off the fear of starting something new. All while still trying to stay in..the NOW. Not worry about the past or future and just enjoy this moment. This beautiful moment of now. That is why I moved into the RV.
But it is a LOT of intense experiences and changes in just the past few months. Even my family pointed out to me I have been non stop since December when I did my Miami shoot tour and then my breast surgery. Which is why I have been leaning away from my modeling and adult career lately. It is very rewarding but also very draining. I just want to be human again.
As I go through these experiences, and time passes, me getting older, calmer, wiser. I see before I said I couldn't imagine getting married ever again because how could I give up all the spoils and sex from all the men of the world, for just one man. How could ONE man ever make me happy? Now I see how the majority of men dont TRULY love or respect me, and I would now give up all the men in the world for ONE great man. To give me REAL love. To build a family with. I can't find my hubby when I am out here banging other people's husbands now can I?!
Well I am a hell of a woman, and having a hard time finding a king that can handle me. So I will shamelessly enjoy all the men and spoils I want until then. As we all know Kitty is no peasant. I am a princess and I deserved to be taken care of always. Now that I raised my rates again, it will REALLY show me who truly cares for me. So I want to thank my clients moving forward who I see, for being there for me. Tending to me, and being apart of my life in such a transformative and profound time for me. You guys are all my kings, from all the different kingdoms. I am grateful to live such a lush fantasy, come to life.
Talk again soon, I promise this time I won't take so long to write of my next adeventure. :)